pregnant and stressed

i don't write in a diary. (i should.) and i don't like to be that person that only uses twitter and facebook to complain (i've recently limited myself to my authorization-only account on twitter for the worst of it; sorry followers), but i am feeling decidedly less and less like being "nice" and "good" and "polite" and sending the whole f-ing world on a very long trip in a very uncomfortable plane (the kind that american airlines has...with bloody small spaces between rows, shitty, expensive food and REALLY crappy staff).

i am pregnant. i am thrilled to be pregnant. (it doesn't sound that way here, but i promise it's a good thing...) it is what i have wanted since as long as i can remember. but i have a distinct feeling that pregnant women who romanticize their time "growing" a baby, and think that they should be glowing and happy, and skipping around in beautiful maternity wear planning kids' rooms and daydreaming about their proginy, were never meant to work while they did it. i have been in a bad mood just about all week. i feel guilty for being in a bad mood. i feel like i'm being a bad mother to a still-alien-like creature in-utero with all the bad vibes and mean thoughts i have about my clients, my colleagues and my profession. i have bizarre pseudo-daydreams about my child being born mean and depressed and just unhappy because i'm sitting here bitching and moaning to myself about the insane shitheads i have to call clients.

everyone tells me to calm down, to ease up..."it's not good for the baby", "it's not healthy", "you need to take it easy"...trust me, i'm trying. i don't even know if it's all true, but i just want this week to be over, do something for me and the baby this weekend and give a big stinky finger to everyone who's pissed me off this week. (if you're reading this and the shoe fits....wear it.)

adios.